I Did Not Survive
by Brain Dead Monkey Writer
Summary: A shell of his former self, he gets a cruel reminder. Sometimes, a right decision at the time would grow into the worst choice you've ever made. And what do you do with the consequences? Find closure.


_Based on I Will Survive, by William Borba_

It had been, how many years, 5? Since he had even thought a single thought about her. The bunny. The one who brought him up from out of the ashes, and into the light….only to bring him back down to the ashes again.

Now? Back to his roots. Crime. He settled in Tundratown, in hiding, and began building a name for himself. A criminal empire began roaring far throughout the city. He became only known as, "The Scars." Rumors began spreading, that he got them through a fight as a child, or that it was a particularly intense murder, or particularly intense sex. He didn't mind any of these...if only because it hid the real reason.

Was she happy with her choice? Did she even know he was now this monster? He never really considered any of it. Honestly, if she was mauled alive by some of his goons, it probably wouldn't faze him. Not a bit. She wanted to kill the single thing that could have brought them even closer, just for the sake of her _career_ , then that's her decision.

Just leave him out of it.

It was a simple day. Making deals with small businesses, to give them "protection," embezzling tons of innocents out of house and home, certainly was a upgrade in work, compared to selling Pawpsicles and "redwood," for certain. But not that it really mattered. Basic fact is, it was nothing out of the ordinary, as he sat alone in his room, looking over plans.

A knock at the door.

"Yes?"

"Erm, boss? Ya got some rabbits who wanna see ya…..well, I think they're all rabbits. One of dem, little kid, kinda looks like ya."

"...the hell do yo….whatever. Send them away. I'm busy."

"Boss, dey won't go. Said they're….Hopps? Ya knew their daughter?"

"...no. I know of no one with the name Hopp-"

" **FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU DID, WILDE!"**

He recognized that voice from anywhere. He always dreaded hearing that voice, now more than ever. Stu Hopps.

"Stu! Language! …..please, Nicholas, we need to talk! It's something you need to know." A gentler voice called out. Bonnie Hopps.

"'Nicholas?' Boss, dere somethin' goin' on that we do-"

"Send them in. Please." He finally accepted.

The doors opened, as he saw two very familiar faces. One with a worn out, disheartened, but positive look on her face, as she stared at him. The other, with nothing but pure scorn. Hatred. The old man looked like he certainly had some strong things to say to dear Nick. And then, there was….a child. He didn't quite recognize him. He certainly looked like a rabbit, but he also resembled that of a fox…..almost eerily like him.

Nick stood up, and walked directly to the three, as all four reached a stopping point. "Okay, then, let's get the obvious formalities out of the way, hello, welcome to the HQ of The Scars, I am The Scars in question, now let us begin the interview. Let's start with _how in the everloving fuck did you find me?!"_ Nick answered. Bonnie tried to respond, but Stu uttered first, "Well, firstly, like _hell_ we will be calling you that insipid name. Bonnie will probably be calling you Nicholas, but you're just Wilde to me." That last part was spoken with such a vile tone, it set the mood for the rest of the conversation. "Second, well, it took a little time. We all thought maybe you were dead, or suffering. At least, I was HOPING that was happening. But then talking around with some people led us to a dear friend, Finnick. After the surprise we have for you was shown to him, he quickly told us where you were. 5 years too late, yes, but better late than never, I suppose."

Finally, the female rabbit got to speak up. "Nicholas…," she uttered, "I know, you probably do not want us anywhere near you. We know what happened. But it's for the best of everyone involved, that you know what has happened….well, since you left her." She then turned her attention to the young child. A boy, to be exact. Nick looked in curiosity, until the defining words were said.

"Nicholas, this...is yours and Judy's son."

A brief silence emerged.

"...no. That's not possible."

"No? What do you mean?" Bonnie asked. "Because I know Judy. When I left, she was about ready to kill that thing. I left, because at that point, I **wanted** to be a father, to grow closer to her, to start a family! But **no!** It would disrupt her precious little _career,_ as if she was ever really **good** at it. She scarred my heart, moreso than she did my fucking face, she was deadset on getting rid of the kid. So, now you come telling me, after all of that bullshit, she just decided, 'oh, durr, I think I'm gonna keep it, durr-hurr!' Give me a fucking break, such a goddamn hypocrite. Where the hell is she then, huh? Is she so afraid of me, she can't even grow some balls to come see her ex?! Answe-"

" **SHE'S DEAD, WILDE!"**

Once again, silence.

"...wh-what?"

Stu lunged at Nick, getting uncomfortably close. "You fucking heard me, scumbag! She died! Died at childbirth! She spent all those months, ready for the kid, and then, once he was born, she began drifting and before you know it, we lost our baby girl! And where were **you,** huh?! Being a root of all evil in this accursed city, huh?! **HUH?!** "

" **STU!"** Bonnie yelled, pointing at the small child, cowering onto her. Stu, reluctantly, pulled back, and regained his posture. "Nicholas...there were complications at birth, and she suffered the worst of it…..the doctors tried…...but….." The female rabbit halted, as she began to sob, the memories returning to her. As for Nick, he stood tall, and still. He felt a face that he hadn't felt in years.

A face of fear.

"...oh, god…..what have…...what have I done…...w-where is she now?!" he panicked, and asked. "She's over at an old family cemetery, in Bunnyburrow." "Please…..take me over there. I need to say something to her." He begged, getting onto his knees, with his voice cracking with every word he uttered. Though Stu hesitated, after some thought…..the rabbits accepted.

It was a long process. Convincing Finnick to take charge while Nick was away; he never gave any real time frame of when he would be returning. He hid himself, so that no one could ever notice who he was. The train ride was quiet, awkward, and filled with unease.

"Excuse me...daddy." The young hybrid asked Nick quietly. "Why do you have those scratches?" Nick simply smiled, and replied, "Your mother gave them to me." The little one giggled. "Heard she was a fighter!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah….in a way, she was…"

When the train arrived, all four headed out, and made a beeline for Stu's truck. Driving for what seemed like hours, the truck arrived at the Hopps' abode. "Down the road is the cemetery. Just walked there, you'll find her grave pretty quickly, and you can make your peace. Don't stay too long, though, I'm making carrot soup for supper!" Bonnie said, with a little cheer in her voice, finally. "YUM!" exclaimed the young boy, happily. As they all got out, while the rabbits went to the house, Nick went down the road, prepared for unfinished business.

As he came up to a gate, with gravestones as far as the eye can see, he stopped, only for a second. Would this be worth it? Is it worth even trying? If she's now gone, what's the point of doing this? …...no. He had to. If this was the end, he wants to end on some form of resolution. Walking in, he saw countless graves, presumably of Hopps members long gone. And then…..there it was.

It was a marginally big grave, with plenty of mourning flowers, and letters expressing grief. The only words engraved were _"Here Lies Judith Laverne Hopps, Dear Friend, Mother, and Officer of the Law. May she rest in peace."_ "Well, I'll be damned, Carrots," Nick spoke to the tomb, "here I am, being a criminal kingpin in Zootopia, and you STILL get a lot of attention. I guess the dumb bunny will always get more attention than the sly fox. No fair, Fluff." He chuckled to himself, as he sits near the grave, noticing a familiar cap. "Is that….your meter maid hat?! They actually kept that?! HA! Hoo, boy. That takes me back! 'Zootopia, where anyone can be anything!' What a laugh, eh?"

The laughter was only brief. Then the mood settled.

"...what the hell are you doing here, anyway? Come on, Judy. You shouldn't be all cooped up in a coffin. The police force needs you…..the city needs you….…...I need you. I've always needed you. And now….I can't have you. I hate that. Why can't I? Is it because of that day? You know what, if I could, I would turn back time, slap my past self silly, and tell him to go to you. He'd need you now more than ever. And I would make him say, 'you know what, Judy, you're right, go abort the kid!' Because at least then, you'd still be alive! You'd still be ALIVE! I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT! I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEGGED YOU TO KEEP IT! I SHOULD HAVE JUST ACCEPTED YOUR CHOICE, BUT STAY! **BUT NO! I WALKED OUT, YOU DECIDED TO KEEP IT FOR GOD KNOWS WHY, AND NOW...YOU'RE DEAD! I KILLED YOU! I KILLED THE ONE I LOVED MOST OF ALL IN LIFE! WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE MONSTER AM I?!** "

At this point, he was a broken man. He held onto the gravestone with all of his might, his inner guilt seeping through the tears in his eyes. "...you probably hated me until the bitter end...didn't you? I know I hurt you. And I know you hurt me….but I still love you...and all the things I said, I wish I could take it **ALL** back….just so you could be back…..but maybe you didn't see it that way….maybe you just saw me as a horrible being from then on….I don't blame you…"

"Actually, that couldn't have been further from the truth, Nick."

With a sudden jolt, Nick turned to see a familiar, worn-out male rabbit, looking far less scornful, and more sympathetic. "Stu….what the hell are you talking about?" The fox asked. "She was hurt by what happened, no doubt about it...but she was more upset with how she acted, more than you. She said she often wondered what would be different, if she didn't hit you, or turn down your pleas. Would you two be happy, sad, it always made her curious. But even at her most disheartened….she NEVER, at any single point, hated you. There was nothing but love for you, and even if you two were to never get back together, if at least amends were made, she'd be happy with that. Hell, she even said once the baby was born, she planned on trying to find you, to show the child, and apologize to you." "Well, I sincerely doubt she'd like what I've become. I started doing bad things since leaving. Both her, and the ZPD." "Doesn't matter. She would find you, and see inside that mob boss, was the fox she fell head over heels for." Stu replied. "Besides, it wasn't just you who left the cops. She did, too."

"Wait, what? I thought she loved being a cop! That was something she valued more than anything!"

"Well, after that fight you two had, it wasn't anymore. I don't know exact details, but what she told me was she spent hours crying, and thinking about what you said. It was something along the lines of her shedding light on those that needed it most of all. I guess you were one of them. She wanted to make people's lives better. And if she made the life of her own boyfriend worse, because of what she wanted, then what good was she? So, she left. Came back here, worked in the family business. It was a rough start, without a doubt, but over time, she was not only accepting of the baby, and the fact she was on her own, but she took it with stride. This way, she felt like she really could make the world a better place, even if it wasn't with the law anymore….it was incredible, really."

"Heh," Nick chuckled. "glad to see she lived happily ever after. Last I saw her, she was desperately trying to get me to stay. Sobbing, everything…...I guess it made for great irony. The last thing I told her before I left her was, 'I will survive.' But the truth is...I didn't. I did not survive. The moment I left, I was internally dead. Just a hollow shell of who I once was. But the fact she grew stronger...it gives me some light. As if she's still around somewhere." "She lives on in all of our hearts, and in you two's little bundle of joy." Stu replied, before looking at his watch, and getting up. "Well, we should probably head back, soup's probably done." " I'm gonna stay here a little longer. To take this all in." Stu, understandably, nodded, and began walking out. "Oh, Stu! I forgot to even ask….what is my little boy's name? I was so wrapped up in this, it must've passed on my mind."

"Phiberus. Phiberus Nicholas Wilde-Hopps….her idea, not mine." He chuckled. "She asked us to call him Phib. It would be cuter that way." "It is a cuter name, not gonna lie. She had a knack for that." Nick replied. "Indeed…" And with that, Stu left, leaving Nick alone with the grave. "...Phib. Really, Carrots? You wanna turn him into the most picked on kid at school?" Nick joked, as he pulled out his phone, and called up a dear friend.

"Yo, Finnick!"

" _Slick, how ya doin'? Or am I also part of this whole 'Scars' BS too?"_

"Never better, and hey, it sounded cool in my head. Anyways, you know how I said you need to run the place while I'm gone?"

" _Yeah?"_

"Well…..I'm gonna be gone for quite a long time. Treat everyone well."

" _...the fuck are you talking about? Nick, this is YOUR shit, you can't just shove all this on me!"_

"Finnick, I've done some nasty stuff with that business, and now, I need to change. I hope you understand. Oh, and don't bother the Hopps family about this. They don't need any trouble. You've been a good friend."

" _Nick, you better fucking get back here soon, or I swear to god, I will-!"_

*BEEP*

He dropped the phone, and reached into his pocket. "Now, Judy. I know you won't like this a single bit. Don't be giving me an earful about this in the afterlife, alright?" As his paw comes out his pocket, he holds….a pistol. "I know what you might say, 'think about Phib!' I am. He doesn't need a mob boss for a father. He has wonderful grandparents, who can take better care of him than I ever could. Don't worry about him. And no, I'm not still upset. If anything, Fluff….I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. After all the heartache throughout these long years, I finally have closure." He checks the gun barrel. One bullet. Ought to be plenty. "...I ain't got any other shit I need down here, so I'm heading up to see ya." He aims at point blank, covering the three scars she gave him those years ago.

"Love you, Judy."

As Stu reaches the house, Bonnie is outside waiting for him. "There you are! Soup's been ready for…..wait…..where's Nick?" She asked. "Oh, don't worry, he's just relaxing a little. He'll be back in a-"

 _ ***BANG***_

The shock of the gunshot sound reached them quickly. "...that sounds like it came from….no, NO!" Stu cried, as he ran back to the cemetery, with Bonnie in hot pursuit. But alas...they were too late. On the grave of their late beloved daughter, lied the lifeless, bloodied corpse of her beloved, almost seemingly gazing into the evening skies. "...oh my god…." Bonnie gasped in horror and sadness. "B-but he seemed so...happy! Relieved! I don't….why?!" Asked Stu in utter confusion. Not that either mattered. The deed was done. Authorities were called in, yet once again, all they could understand was it was a suicide. No reason why, just the action at hand. It was a sudden, heavy, and tragic night. But, for the sly fox, it was a happy day.

Oh, and in the crime world, The Scars…..seemingly vanished, into thin air. Some say he's imprisoned in some third-world country, others say he ran off to start again, in the underground. No matter the reason, Finnick continues to run the gangs in Zootopia, and things resumed as usual.

Phib never really knew either of his parents, outside of that one visit with his father. But perhaps it was for the best, as he can learn more about the good they did, and how much they cared for one another.

One can only hope.

-  
 ***I open the door to this FF.N room, filled with dust and cobwebs* *COUGH!* PHEW, this takes me back! High school...man, I had a weird thing for Pokemon, huh? Ah, well...you know, it's funny. I thought I would be done with fanfictions. And in some way, I still am. Probably will never go back to the ones I have left behind on this account. But you know, after reading I Will Survive, I thought of this story, and wanted to try to tell it. After this got some traction on DeviantART, I figured, why not, and come back to present this story to the FF.N community. Will this be my swan song? Only time will tell. Until then...zài jiàn.**


End file.
